God, I hate that word. There is so much baggage associated with it and for a long time I didn't even really apply it to myself. I've always just been "a woman." It is accurate, though, so I guess there is no avoiding it.

This is not a transsexual blog. It is the blog of a pretty run-of-the-mill woman with a quirky sense of humor. There will be some transsexual stuff weaved in, no doubt, because-- well, just because. Hopefully that will be a smallish part of it. If it's not well, then, sorry. It is what it is. I'm going to write about whatever fancies me at the moment.

I never even thought about having a blog but people keep telling me, "you need to write a blog." So-- ummm..., here it is!

Note: I had my gender reassignment surgery in February of 2013 so, if you happen to browse through my archives, anything prior to that will be "pre-op" and anything subsequent to that will be "post-op."

If you would like to ask me a question you can either click HERE or you can email it to 'chelle at finallychelle.com'.

If you'd like to find out more about me please check out Essential Chelle to learn more than you'd probably care to know!



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Musings of an Average (transsexual) Woman by finallychelle is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Apr 22, 2014
@ 10:03 pm
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50 notes

I Probably Could Have Handled It Better

A woman bought a gas powered weed eater because her husband needed one. She’d been to Lowes and Home Depot and said that I had the best price.

Thirty minutes later the husband calls, ranting and raving, yelling, “This is a curved shaft model. I don’t want this piece of junk. I want a straight shaft model.”

"You haven’t used it, yet, have you, sir?"

"Absolutely not. I refuse to even open the box."

"Okay, good. My truck comes in the day after tomorrow and I’m having the straight shaft model put on that truck. We’ll swap out on Thursday."

"Okay. That’ll be fine."

Thirty minutes later he shows up with the weed eater— which he has since used— and says, “Give me a refund on this and I’ll buy the straight shaft on Thursday.”

"I thought you hadn’t opened the box?"

"Well I decided to try it out and I don’t like it. And it doesn’t run right."

"But you knew you didn’t like it before you even opened the box and we had a plan all worked out. Why did you turn a new trimmer into a used trimmer that I can’t sell now?"

"I don’t know, but it’s not my problem. It’s yours."

"Sir, you don’t return a car after you buy it, even if it doesn’t run right. It gets repaired under warranty. Let’s start this and see what’s wrong. I’m sure I can fix whatever is wrong with it."

"Don’t bother starting it. It doesn’t run right."

"Let me just check it for myself."

I started it right up and it ran perfectly.

He continued, “Just give me my money.”

"Sir, you gassed up and started a trimmer that you knew you didn’t want. That was a hundred dollar decision and, while you get to make hundred dollar decisions for yourself, you don’t get to make them for me. I can’t do anything with a used trimmer. We only sell new merchandise, here, and the manufacturer is not going to reimburse me for a perfectly good trimmer."

Thankfully his wife agreed and said, “She’s right. It’s our trimmer, now. She had the situation resolved and you screwed everything up. It’s not right to stick her with your bad decision.”

If he had started using it and THEN decided that he didn’t like it I probably would have eaten the cost— even though it’s money I don’t have to throw around.

But since he knew he was returning it and that I was getting him what he wanted I just didn’t feel like I should have to pay for his being hot headed and head strong.

A good case could probably be made for me sucking it up, regardless, but I really feel like he did me wrong and I shouldn’t have to pay for it.

Set me straight, Tumblr.

-bracingmyselfchelle


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Apr 21, 2014
@ 7:05 am
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37 notes

The Monday List

1) Annie has been sick as a dog since yesterday morning— and she almost never gets sick. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen her. Thankfully she’s doing a little better today.

2) My first girlfriend, Debbie, and her family visited us, last week, on their way to Florida. We get along great— and I love her husband and daughter, too. As we all sat at the table to eat I couldn’t help but chuckle about what her daughter would have thought if she knew that her mom and I used to be a couple.

3) Four of us are headed to Jekyll Island, on Friday, for a girls’ weekend at the beach. We’ve got free use of a house, there, so all it will cost us is gas. Woo hoo!

4) After a mini hunger strike Bentley has learned to eat dry dog food with no human food added. He’s not happy about it— and I think he wishes he could have some of those meals he previously turned his nose up at.

5) Since Annie is sick I’ll be working both her and my shift at the store, today. Then I have a Habitat meeting. I’m already looking forward to putting on my pjs tonight…

-thatsitfornow!chelle


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Apr 20, 2014
@ 9:07 pm
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32 notes

I’ve Spent Every Easter Service Of My Life…

…wishing that I was the organist playing all those wonderful hymns as everyone sang.

And today I finally got to do that.

I’ve played for a number of Easter services, in recent years, but they were in nontraditional worship settings where I didn’t get to play my favorite old hymns.

For me it’s not officially Easter until I hear “Lift High The Cross” and, today, I got to crank it out as the choir processed into the sanctuary and the congregation sang along.

It was glorious and it gave me goosebumps from head to toe.

-itwastrulyablesseddaychelle


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Apr 20, 2014
@ 12:11 am
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21 notes

A Man’s Idea Of A Successful Fart…

…is one that really smells and that he gets credit for.

A woman’s idea of a successful fart is one that really smells but that someone else gets credit for.

Preferably another woman.

-breakingthegirlcodechelle


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Apr 18, 2014
@ 8:43 am
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17 notes

Some Humor

So Obama and Biden were in a diner, the other day, and the owner asked, “What are you guys going to do about Ukraine?” 

Biden said, “Well, truthfully, we’ve got a plan— but unfortunately it will result in the deaths of 100,000 innocent Ukrainians and one beautiful blonde.” 

(Note from Chelle: Don’t worry, he wasn’t talking about me. Whew!)

The owner asked, “Why do you have to kill a beautiful blonde?” 

Biden looked at Obama and said, “See? I told you that no one cares about the Ukrainians!”

-onequarterukrainianchelle

Some Humor

So Obama and Biden were in a diner, the other day, and the owner asked, “What are you guys going to do about Ukraine?”

Biden said, “Well, truthfully, we’ve got a plan— but unfortunately it will result in the deaths of 100,000 innocent Ukrainians and one beautiful blonde.”

(Note from Chelle: Don’t worry, he wasn’t talking about me. Whew!)

The owner asked, “Why do you have to kill a beautiful blonde?”

Biden looked at Obama and said, “See? I told you that no one cares about the Ukrainians!”

-onequarterukrainianchelle


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Apr 17, 2014
@ 11:00 am
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21 notes

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

-gotnothinginterestingtosharetodaychelle


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Apr 16, 2014
@ 11:03 pm
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25 notes

Whoa!

I was flipping channels and saw a guy starring in a movie— a guy that I remembered from an episode of Psych (one of my fav shows).

His name is John Cena and he very well could be the perfect physical specimen of a man.

OMG!

Not only is he gorgeous— his muscles have muscles.

Unfortunately it’s one of those silly exploding movies— but if he ever came over to Hallmark he’d own that channel.

-hopingtoseehiminachickflickchelle


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Apr 16, 2014
@ 7:09 am
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37 notes

Too Big For His Britches

This durn dog won’t eat the same thing, two days in a row, no matter how good it is.

The first time you give it to him, he polishes his bowl.

The next day?

He looks at you like, “That’s the best you can do?”

And he’ll let it sit there, all day, until it goes bad.

This is a dog who eats silk plants, tv remote controls, mail, pine cones— and his own poop.

I’m sorry, but I think he’s lost the right to be fussy.

Pork chop and freshly scrambled egg with parmesan cheese in his food? Good, one day, unacceptable the next.

Same goes for peanut butter sauce, homemade lamb gravy, spaghetti sauce, rotisserie chicken, pot roast or anything else I give him.

Did I mention that he eats his own poop?

Idiot.

-tiredoftryingtopleasethisdog


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Apr 15, 2014
@ 3:55 pm
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24 notes

He Was Still Laughing When He Left

Customer (who’s in here every day): I need a 1/2” galvanized pipe nipple.

Chelle: Here you go.

Customer: I need one a bit longer than that.

Chelle: (Handing him a 6” pipe nipple.) This one’s a foot long.

Customer: Uhhh… I hate to break it to you but that’s only 6”.

(You already know where this is going…)

Chelle: No way.

Customer: Way.

Chelle: I’ve been lied to.

Customer: (Laughing hysterically) Honey, I wouldn’t have to lie…

-knowswhoicanjokewithchelle


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Apr 15, 2014
@ 8:48 am
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40 notes

Truthful Tuesday: My Mexican Customers

Our agricultural community includes a sizeable Mexican population and many are customers of mine.

Unfortunately their english is usually as bad as my spanish— which can make for some humorous interactions at the store.

The thing they’ve come to realize, however, is that their business is extremely important to me and I will bend over backward to help them find what they need.

Many seem truly touched by my efforts to help them.

We even teach each other words to help with future communications.

Yesterday a customer— whose english is actually far worse than my spanish— kept apologizing for taking up so much of my time. He frequently shops in my store and I kept assuring him that I was more than happy to help.

As he left he took one of my hands in between both of his and, with misty eyes, sincerely thanked me for helping him find everything he needed.

It was very touching.

I notice that many of the Mexican customers tend to be shy, make very little eye contact, and speak very little when they shop in stores around here.

When they come into our store, however, they laugh and loudly greet us, in spanish, as they walk through the door.

I like that our humble little hardware store is a place where everyone feels comfortable and welcome.

We try to keep things kind of festive, there, and it really seems to be helping business.

-keepingitfunchelle


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Apr 14, 2014
@ 9:45 am
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18 notes

Clip-in Hair Extensions

Ever since I first saw Katherine Heigl remove her clip-in hair extensions in “The Naked Truth” I’ve been intrigued.

I doubt that I’d bother with them, most days, but they look like they’d be fun for special occasions.

Is it hard to match your color? Do they stay in pretty well? Do they look as natural as Katherine Heigl’s did? How long do they last? What should I expect to pay? How difficult are they to put in? Do they damage your natural hair?

My hair is plenty long enough so I’d be mostly looking for additional volume.

Talk to me, ladies!

-curiouschelle


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Apr 14, 2014
@ 8:10 am
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40 notes

Truthful Monday (Hey, It’s My Blog— I Can Do What I Want!)

I’ll admit that after 17 years of selling plungers I had started to get bored with owning a business. When we gave up Annie’s store, in Utah, I saw it as an opportunity to gradually transition our Georgia store over to her so that I could get back into the corporate world and do some engineering.

The road construction, in front of our store, drastically cut business and it seemed to present the perfect reason for me to get back into a lucrative and interesting line of work.

In the meantime, however, we had to cut costs to keep the store viable.

I thought that we had already trimmed expenses pretty aggressively but when things got so tight that Annie and I had to start working the cash registers I saw opportunities for further cuts in expenses, product categories that we could expand further, and others we could gradually transition out of. For instance: Our little town of 8,000 now has three auto parts chain stores in it. There’s no reason in the world for us to maintain our rinky-dink “automotive aisle.” The stuff sits there for long periods of time, now, and has become our slowest moving category.

This has necessitated some remerchandizing of the store and soliciting feedback from our customers and, well, to be truthful— it has made being in the hardware business interesting, again.

I actually look forward to going into work, each day— something that hadn’t been the case in quite some time.

We’ll be dealing with the construction for at least 4 more months (it’s been going on for a year, so far) but we’re surviving. In fact, we’re kinda doing okay.

And I’m not job hunting anymore, because I like the job I’ve got.

Sometimes life is funny.

-enjoyinglifedownattheplungeremporiumchelle


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Apr 13, 2014
@ 5:16 pm
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32 notes

Annie And I Have Been “Invited” To Leave The Community Garden Project

That was, literally, the word they used. They “invited” us to please consider exiting the project.

And we accepted their invitation.

There was one garden in a more economically challenged part of town that was having trouble getting going— so they asked Annie and me to manage that garden, even though it’s quite a bit farther from our house.

We installed an irrigation system, at our own expense, and that made our garden the only one that was ready to plant.

I even offered to pay for an irrigation system at one other garden.

When people found out that Annie and I had changed gardens they wanted to change with us.

That meant that there was, suddenly, an influx of out-of-neighborhood people into that garden.

People happen to like us— what can I say?

So now we’ve ALL been “invited” to leave and start our own garden, elsewhere.

Community gardens are a wonderful concept, in theory, but when the actual implementation results in too many layers of management, too many managers, orientation sessions, manager training sessions, rules, regulations, weekly meetings, thrice-daily emails, door-to-door canvassing of neighborhoods, approval hierarchies, etc., it becomes too much bureaucracy and not enough gardening.

You can’t make vegetables grow with emails and meetings and phone calls. At some point you need to get dirt under your fingernails.

I’m actually relieved, though. I’m not a quitter but I’d reached my saturation point. I never would have left them hanging— but I’m glad they asked us to go.

It’s kind of shocking that they’re ditching everyone who wanted to transfer to our garden. That one has me scratching my head.

Sometimes you get caught up in drama even when you loath it.

Thankfully, it’s behind me now.

-nolongeracommunitygardenerchelle


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Apr 13, 2014
@ 1:08 am
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30 notes

My Friend, Dawn

Dawn and I have been friends for 24 years and have performed together countless times.

She’s as country as a turnip green and has the purest heart you could ever imagine.

Anyway, I went to hear her sing, tonight, and she was as wonderful as ever— truly a treat to listen to.

FYI: I’m not sporting bangs, these days. My hair was just doing something weird and created some kind of optical delusion.

-nothatwasntatypochelle

My Friend, Dawn

Dawn and I have been friends for 24 years and have performed together countless times.

She’s as country as a turnip green and has the purest heart you could ever imagine.

Anyway, I went to hear her sing, tonight, and she was as wonderful as ever— truly a treat to listen to.

FYI: I’m not sporting bangs, these days. My hair was just doing something weird and created some kind of optical delusion.

-nothatwasntatypochelle


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Apr 12, 2014
@ 9:40 pm
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31 notes

Despite Dire Warnings And Strong Recommendations…

…I have no plans to change my Tumblr password.

That said, if my blog should suddenly get interesting— or funny— you should assume that my account has been hacked.

-thishasbeenapsachelle